The Grief Diaries: The Power of With

“With.” It’s a simple word. We use it dozens of times a day. But in my grieving, its meaning has changed. No longer is it a simple preposition. It is a reminder of God’s goodness amidst brokenness. 

We were in church, trudging through worship, scoffing at lyrics of God’s goodness and faithfulness. Pausing to speak, the worship leader said, “God is good not because of what He does. God is good because of who He is.” 

My head knew these words, but at that moment, my heart resonated with the truth of them. I know God is good. He is good because He is WITH me in the sadness. He didn’t leave me to walk through this alone. If I will but turn to Him, He is there with me. 

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4 (NKJV)

“Praise the Lord; praise God our savior! For each day he carries us in his arms.” Psalm 68:19 (NLT)

In the numbing, unconcern for life, Christ was with me. In spite of the doubt and the accusations I hurled God’s way, He carried me in His arms. As I lay on the floor with tears trailing into my hair the Holy Spirit was with me whispering, “Surrender.” With pain tightening my chest I responded, “I don’t know how to let go.” Even then He stayed with me.

“Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.” Psalm 139:7-12 NKJV

Through grief, I have realized the absolute beauty of this one truth. God is with us. He never leaves us nor forsakes us. In every dark moment, He is there. We have a choice though. We can open up to Him or we can shut Him out. I pray you will choose to experience the power of with.

The Grief Diaries is a series on grieving. Written with words from real journal entries so others will know they are not alone. I share because I know the power of “with” and hope you can experience it too.

Sadness like water

I wrote this last year during a time that held so much death and so many hard questions. While I may not have the answers, I choose to trust the one who holds us through it all.

There is so much sadness. So much death. I feel the weight of it. Like water all around me.

I am okay with it. Sadness is not something to be fought, but something to walk through. For how does one battle water?

I am drawn into the arms of my Father. I pull back to ask why. He folds me in. His response.

I cannot see what He can see.

I rest in the sadness. Somehow. I am at rest in Him. Trusting. Always trusting. For what else can I do? Where else would I turn?

I turn to Life. In the midst of death.

My hope is in the Living God.